It is foggy... still... beautiful... deep... dark... rich... enveloping.
Happy April Fool's Day.
Speaking of fools, I've been contemplating love and longing. It's so easy for me to give love, and that is always an unconditional act on my part (read any of my posts that mention John and you'll understand that with great clarity), far less easy for me to hold back on wanting to. What invites longing in us? What turns us into willing prisoners? What generates that chest tightening, my-heart-is-about-to-burst feeing? And... why the hell is it so difficult to ignore? It's more difficult than trying to not think about an orange.
"...then forget everything you ever heard about love
for it's a summer tan and a winter windburn
it comes like your face came to you,like your legs came
and the way you walk, talk, hold your head and hands -
and nothing can be doen about it - you wait and pray."
~Carl Sandburg, Honey and Salt
Sandburg knew. Most of us know the undefinable agony of love's longing. Some are willing to take a big bite out of that bittersweet flavor, some are not. Some dive in, warning unheeded; some stand on the ledge in fear of the free fall. Me? I'm a diver. I always seem to take the risk and jump. (Alas, passion is the benchmark of my Scorpio nature.) No risk, no reward, right? No pain, no gain. I don't wait to see if it's going to be accepted - that's like opening the parachute before you leave the plane. Occasionally it leads to disaster, but I've never felt that I've been left in ruin.
"Let's go get the shit kicked out of us by love."
For me, it's not about reciprocation. It's only about being allowed. There is huge freedom in another giving me the latitude to express my feelings. Yeah, sure, being who I am, I'll express regardless of the acceptance or allowance, but when those are proffered... what a gift; what a treasure.
Once more into the breach, dear friends...