Monday, February 11, 2008

Well, Well, Well: A Deep Subject


^^That's the cover I designed for my Mom's book.^^

It was quite a project putting that together. I printed out over 100 pages - all of which came from this blog - and that's even without the daily dose of artwork, just the writing only. Guess I'm quite the verbose Gypsy, eh? I've never done book binding before, so that was a fun little experience too. All in all, I think it turned out pretty well. It felt kind of strange to see all my ramblings here done up in print.

As I was coming up from the depths of sleep this morning (thank you, Midnight, for licking my eyebrow 1/2 an hour before the alarm was due to beep), I suddenly recalled something that I was told 27 years ago. It was 1981, and I was still in my teens. My friend Jill (who I've long since lost touch with) and I were sitting around, just hanging out, talking.


Let me back up and preface this a little - give you a glimpse of the girl I was at 19 years of age. Mind you, I was a very different person then. Most of you wouldn't recognize the gypsy you know today, but for the vivid blue eyes. I had a far different spirit - pretty much no self-esteem, no confidence, I was scared of everything and everyone, I was shy and I didn't speak unless spoken to. My mood range normally went from entirly passive, to sad, to angry (which usually came out in complete silence). Very little about life was beautiful to me. I was a stranger in an even stanger world. Hard to believe, but it's all true.

So, there I was, hanging with Jill. Jill was a good enough friend, but not someone I was really very close to (but then, I wasn't close to anyone back then). We weren't doing or talking about anything special, when she looked over at me and said, "I had a vision about you, and I think I'm supposed to share it with you." My internal metaphysical self immediately thought, "Ooooh!" My internal practical self thought, "Yeah, right." Outwardly, I said, "Ok."

Jill said, "There is a deep well within you. It's going to take a long time to dig through to it, and it's going to be very very painful digging to it. But once it's tapped, there is cool, sweet water that's going to rush up and spill over everything in your path, and it won't go unnoticed by anyone. I see you dancing at the top of a huge wave, and people are coming from everywhere just to get close to that wave. But, it's going to hurt for you to get there... it's going to hurt a lot. There's no other way."

At the time, I recall thinking that I was already in pain, so it stood to reason that there'd be water pretty darned soon. I kind of set the vision aside, but I've thought of it every now and then when times get tough. Thought of it with a cynical smirk (sure, Jill, sure, what do you know?). That is, until now.

"Hey, hey, hey, something's different in my world today
Well they've changed my traffic sign to a brighter yellow..."
~Jason Mraz, Curbside Prophet

I think the well has finally been dug to completion. I can see it and feel it in the way people treat me, and respond to me. Even strangers seem to gravitate toward the 'something different' about me. Within me, it's a little bit overwhelming; I've never had such creative energy. There just isn't enough time in the day for me to impliment all of the ideas in my head, and they just keep coming. I feel a deep joy that, I think, radiates outwardly. I feel - amid all the chaos of my fevered imagination, cruising brain, and restless spirit - a profound sense of peace. Above it all, is this huge feeling of love for all that has been, and is, my life.

Jill never did say what I was supposed to do once the water hit. Damned prophets - always leavin' a gal dangling. There's a line from the movie Searching for Bobby Fisher that has always stayed with me, and I think I'll abide by it now. Laurence Fishburn is trying to teach the young boy to play a better game of chess. The kid keeps making bad moves. Finally, Larry swipes all of the chess pieces onto the floor and says, "Don't move until you see it." The kid stares at the empty board for a long while, then finally reaches down, picks up a piece and plunks it on the board with a triumphant look. Larry smiles big and nods.

Don't move until you see it. Think I'll just stay put and see which way the water flows. Kinda nifty dancing up here on the wave, anyway.

"I'm just a curbside prophet,
with my hand in my pocket,
and I'm waitin' for my rocket to come on.
Just a curbside prophet,
with my hand in my pocket,
and I'm waitin' for my rocket, y'all..."
~Jason Mraz, Curbside Prophet

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