Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Duck and Cover

Every new beginning starts with an ending.

I heard a great line yesterday that's had me smiling and, with a nod, saying, "Huh... yeah...yeahhhh..."

The line was: "I think I should worship myself for all the shit that hasn't killed me yet."

I hate that old axiom: That which does not kill us, makes us stronger. What a crock! That which does not kill me makes me angry and stubborn and cynical. I'm put in mind of one of my favorite old Bugs Bunny gigs.

Bugs and Daffy are arguing over whether it's Duck or Rabbit Season (Season's Greetings! Heh...), while a confused Elmer Fudd keeps shooting at Daffy whenever ordered to shoot.

Finally, as the debate over which animal is actually in season continues, Bugs manages to escape each round unscathed, but Daffy continues to end up getting shot in the bill. Of course, none of Bugs' and Daffy's tactics convince Elmer to lay down his gun.

Daffy notices a sign on a tree that reads: DUCK SEASON OPEN.

Daffy: "Devilishly clever..." (notices Elmer approching) "Uh, oh!" (runs off screen)
Elmer continues walking until he runs into Daffy, who is now disguised as a rabbit.

Daffy: "What's up, Doc? Having any luck on those ducks? It's duck season, you know!"
Enter Bugs, disguised as a duck.

Bugs: "Just a darn minute! Where do you get that 'Duck Season' stuff?"
With a look of confidence, Daffy points offscreen.

Daffy: "Says so right over there on that sign, you're so smart."
The sign now reads: RABBIT SEASON OPEN.

Daffy: (still with a look of confidence) "You know what to do with that gun, doc..."
Elmer shoots Daffy in the bill, blowing his disguise off from the neck up. Elmer has a look of surprise on his face. Daffy quietly stares at the triumphant Bugs with a look of embarrassed fury.

Daffy: (approaches Bugs angrily) "You're despicable..."

Bugs and Daffy then begin reading cookbooks on how Elmer can prepare rabbit or duck delicacies.

Elmer: "I'm sowwy fewwers, but I'm a vegetawian. I just hunt for the sport of it."

Shit happens, and most of the time it's not rational. We don't get to choose outcomes, we are merely allowed to participate. I often feel a bit like Smeagol with my plaintive, karmaic litany of, "We be nice to them, they be nice to us." The whole time The Fates are sitting at a giant chess board, only concerned with protecting their kings, and showing no mercy when it's time to fuck with some poor pawn's day.

So, yeah, a rather dark and twisted view on life events today, but... c'est moi. My warped sense of humor rarely really comes from a lighthearted point of view. I'm more like Ewan (*drool*) McGregor's character, Grimes, in Black Hawk Down - covered in blood and dust, the smell of cordite heavy in the air, just looking for a small clear space to make a good cup o' bean:

It's all in the grind, Sizemore. Can't be too fine. Can't be too coarse. This, my friend, is a science. I mean you're looking at the guy that believed all the commercials. You know. About the "be all you can be." I made *coffee* through Desert storm. I made *coffee* through Panama while everyone else got to fight. Got to be a Ranger. Now it's "Grimesy, black, one sugar" or "Grimesy, got a powdered anywhere?"
~Black Hawk Down

Just give me my beans... it's all good.


  1. Puts a whole new meaning behid "the daily *grind*"...

    You know I can't resist starting the day with a lame bean joke ;-)


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