Yes, I did. I went out walking last night, blister and all. This time I really didn't want to. But, I thought about Grandma Schmutzer, thought about how she learned to walk again after having her leg amputated when she ws 84 years old. So, I summoned her feisty Hungarian spirit, and made myself get on down the road before there was any choice.
As I walked, I pondered the amazing will and force of the human spirit - that which keeps us going against all odds. I thought of how hard Cindy battled breast cancer so she could stay alive long enough to see Jonathan through his Bar Mitzvah (she did, and then some). I thought about the time she apologized to me for being sick ("You didn't sign on for this...") I remembered a time when her doctor, in an aside to me, shook her head and said, "Quite honestly, I have no idea what's keeping her alive. She shouldn't be." I thought of how I rubbed her feet when she was bedridden; feet that hurt simply because they were still in existence. I thought about the time I bathed her, ever so gently, and changed her sheets, and she called me Mother of Mercy.
I'm walking for Cindy. I'm walking for her and her beautiful family that taught me so much about unconditional love.
Here's an interesting little thing that happened yesterday. I was digging through my jewelry box, looking for earrings to wear to work, and I found an old pair of Ganesha earrings that John bought for me years ago. They'd gotten buried under some other stuff and I hadn't seen or worn them in a few years. Now, suddenly, they magically arose from the clutter.
I knew that Ganesha was one of the Hindu dieties, but I couldn't remember for sure what he symbolized. So, being the research brat that I am, I had to find out. Turns out that Ganesha is revered as The Remover of Obstacles, and as Lord of Beginnings and Lord of Obstacles (meaning that he can place obstacles as well). He's also patron of arts and sciences, and the deva of intellect and wisdom.
Remover of Obstacles... Lord of Beginnings... go figure that I'd rediscover those earrings just now, having taken on one of the greatest challenges of my life. Yeah, right - tell me the Universe isn't paying attention to my tiny existence. Eyes wide open here. No wonder I'm not sleeping well - I'm afraid to even blink for fear of missing something crucial.
In a rather bizarre dream the other night, I was embroidering a sampler that read: Chance never looks luck in the eye. Where the hell did that come from? I've never heard it before. I've been chewing on it for a couple of days now, and I'm totally perplexed. It was a clear message to me - awfully profound for a dreamscape. I'll keep chewing...
Can your heart conceal
What the mind of love reveals
~K.D. Lang, The Mind of Love