Thursday, November 20, 2008

Hopelessly Hopeful

"Certainty is bullshit - everybody's just hoping."
~Crazy People

Timothy and I... we disagree on one thing. Hope. His definition of hope is that it's just "delayed disappointment." My definition of hope would be more along the lines of... oh... clinging desperately to a lone palm tree in the midst of a hurricane. You do what you gotta do and hold on, believing that one day the storm is going to pass, the sun will shine again, and you'll go for a cool swim, forgetting just how menacing the ocean can be. Hard work never hurts, but sometimes just hanging on is hard enough work.

I was having a conversation with someone yesterday and made the comment, "I have great hope that...(blahblahblah)." The response was a sarcastic snort and, "Yeah, that and $2.20 will buy you a gallon of gas..."

I can understand the somewhat scornful view of hope. The gods know I've had mine dashed more than enough. But I just can't seem to give up hope on hoping. In my deepest, darkest, anthracite colored moments it was all I had. And it was enough. Whether it played out the way I wanted it to or not, it got me through. It still does. However, it should be noted that all my hoping is not without a caveat, an amendment if you will. It's hope everything, expect nothing. Big difference. It's not our hopes that get us in trouble, but our expectations - our narcissistic certainty that something will go the way we want it to.

We have to hope. Hope is the want of something better. Hope is the counterpoint to complacency and apathetic acceptance. Just don't have any lofty expectations... you'll be fine.

Hugo: Had you vision as well as sight, you would recognize within me not only a man, but an institution and the future as well.
Steve:
Fuck you, fuck the institution, and fuck the future!Hugo: You cannot fuck the future, sir. The future fucks you.
~Deadwood

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