Monday, November 10, 2008

Dancin' on the River's Edge

That's a shot of my cabin taken from the river's edge. (See? No flood.) The river is definitely swollen with rain. And, have mercy, all this wild weather has had me in such a state of mental birr and creative flux. I love it, but for the fact that I can't seem to find the off switch for my head. I came home Friday, hugged the pup, patted the cat and went and stood in the rain for a few minutes just listening to the river noise (it was already dark). The sheer volume of the river in the deep black of the forest was sort of ominous in a rather thrilling way. Wildness. It yanked at whatever feral beast dwells within me.

Anyway, Scott was (and still is) off on another sojourn east of the mountains. So, when I came in from the soul-washing sound of the river, I sat in the dark feeling a bit pensive and restless. I thought about the men I've loved (whether requited or not) - men I still love; it never goes away - and pondered the notion some people seem to have of "getting over" another human being. For me there is no such thing. Sure, emotional fervor changes, but the footprint of something longed for never does go away. I recalled John once saying, "I don't want you just sitting around an thinking about me all the time." (The words were spoken with great love and caring and not at all as ostentatious as they seem in print.) And I thought, "Well then tell me, Darlin'... 'cause I'm missing the concept somehow. How am I supposed to not think about you?" How am I supposed to not think about any of them? How am I supposed to not miss them? How am I supposed to not feel the effect of something or someone that's made any kind of impact on my life? All that thinking boiled together and came rushing out in a song that took me about 15 minutes to write: (You Are) Like the Weather.

The rest of the weekend was spent hauling wood, cleaning, making some cards, playing with Nino down by the river... I want all my time to feel like this weekend. I'm tired of working for the man... er... dingos. Somebody out there market me - I sure don't know how, but there's got to be some way to harvest what talent I've got and pay the rent at the same time.

1 comment:

  1. hi GG
    once again you have found the exact words for expressing my thoughts! you never "get over" you compartmentalize them.. is that a word? of course they have different priorities at different times of your life.. The cabin picture is fantastic. Have you thought of photography as another venue for your talents? and income!! hugs & lv
    igs

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