Monday, October 4, 2010

30 Days of Truth: Day Two

Day Two - Something you love about yourself.

This one is not so difficult.

I could say that I love my eyes. They're always good for some external validation. I always get compliments. Some people can't believe they're really that blue and, in fact, I've been asked if I wear colored contacts. But, I was born with my eyes. I really can't take credit for them.

What I really love about myself is that I'm a passionate person. I always have been whether it came out in writing, piano playing, sewing, cooking, art, making love, anything. I love taking the intangible and turning it into something tangible. I love that I can do that - that I can take my passion and make it a reality for others in my life.

What astounds me is that I spent so many years repressing that very passion - I spent so many years being afraid to nurture it, much less share it. Yes, astounded, because I'll tell you what... now that I've unleashed it, it has been such a great joy to watch it grow and blossom. It flat out feels good.

That passion allows me and affords me the freedom to search myself, to be me, and to share me. I love that.

That passion allows me to be undaunted and stubborn, albeit at times a little obliviously so, when it comes to doing the things I love.

When I was younger, I was raised with the too-much-passion-is-not-a-good-thing ideal. There was this implied fear of losing your mind in the process of losing yourself to passion. "Feeling too much" was discouraged along with sharing those feelings in any form. Quiet acceptance and a smile were the cornerstones upon which my life was built.

What changed that? People dying too young. People dying without fully living or at least, living the way they wanted to, living their dreams. After John died, in doing some soul spelunking as to what my promise to him meant that I would "live my life well," I realized that the only way I could do that was to let my passion fly. After all, how could I live well if I was denying one of the biggest parts of me, and (I now believe) one of my greatest assets?

This blog helped a lot. I could be as passionate as I wanted. I could say, "Hey People. This is who I am. Like it or go pound sand." Just writing it made me more bold in "real life." I realized that if I could write about it, I could embody it, I could be it. Part of that was somewhat shame-based. I thought, "Here I am scribbling out my so-called true feelings and being this feisty gypsy entity. What if someone meets me out there in the world and realizes that I'm all writing and bullshit? Where's the honesty in that and how is that possibly living well?!" So I became the passionate person that was hiding inside me. And I love it.

I love that I'm a passionate person.

4 comments:

  1. :) what a quality, and i'm happy to be a witness to your joy and explorations! keep having a passionate month! :)

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  2. You’ll have to send me some info on your art!
    It might just be a “Locksmith Thang”, but I want to know about getting that “autangels.jpg” on a coffee mug!

    (A BIG COFFEE MUG! :-) )

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  3. i'm loving the 30 Days of Truth! You know already that i'm passionate, too, and sometimes i've been berated for it. i've had people tell me to "calm down", as if showing my excitement externally were a horrible thing to do. i can be pretty intense, i know, but i'd rather that than a stick in the mud. Besides, the people who love me wouldn't have me any other way...i hope...

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  4. Soodenim... "friend" me on facebook, or email me directly at blackinkpad@yahoo.com

    Jessica... I love your spirit AND your passion! And you know exactly what I'm talking about here. :-D Of course.

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