I really had to think hard about this one. I'm a very forgiving soul. I've done enough soul-spelunking and personal growth crapola to have forgiven pretty much anyone that I feel has ever done me any wrong. Most of the time it wasn't so much that they had done wrong, but that I had expected too much out of them.
Anyway.
He shall be nameless for the purposes of this post. Those who know me will know of whom I speak.
I could forgive him for not treating me with respect. That I have forgiven. I could forgive him for not taking care of what was valuable to me after he promised to do so. That I have forgiven. I could forgive him for causing harm to my animals (that one was hard though). That I have forgiven. I could forgive him for taking money that was supposed to go toward paying rent and instead putting it toward his party purposes, thereby leaving me facing homelessness. That I have forgiven. I could even forgive him for fucking another woman in my bed. That I have forgiven. I have forgiven his gluttony, his slothfulness, his addictive behavior(s), and his rapacious ways.
What I haven't been able to forgive... is his indifference and apathy and lack of personal responsibility and accountability. What I haven't been able to forgive is that he doesn't believe in apology of any kind. He doesn't feel the need to ask for any forgiveness. He doesn't see any wrong. He doesn't recognize any harm resulting from his actions. He flat out doesn't give a shit.
So, it's been over a year and a half and I still need to forgive him for being a phlegmatically disregarding, callously indifferent Piece of Shit.
Fortunately I forgave myself (long ago) for accepting it and putting up with his sorry ass as long as I did.
But to forgive him his indifference. Oy. I concentrate on the karma in which I so firmly believe. It will, all of it, come back to bite him. In light of that, I already feel sorry for him. No, I pity him. He's got a sizable shit storm headed his way once the Universe turns the fan in his direction.
In light of that. I am letting it go. I am stepping out of the way and allowing good ol' universal karma to do its best.
I forgive him. Completely.
But I still don't like him. Not one bit.
thank you for sharing. bella's dad's like that too. the thing we were searching for we would never find. it's a challenge to be so compassionate. yet i love that you perservere! and i think the biggest thing we have to do is forgive ourselves for the time/energy, etc wasted with these phlegms. :( i liked your post.
ReplyDeleteyes, he did horribly wrong and cruelty to the animals....which i miss seeing photos of...sucks that he has them. these twister of events brought you to the man you love!! honestly, i can tell you that i did not like him from the day i met him. he has a creepy ora about him. i like hearing about your happiness ......just had to jump over the pile of crap.
ReplyDeletelove ya'.....hugs to you b