Wednesday, July 30, 2008

What Lies In Wait

"Most people would rather hear a good lie than the truth any day."
~The Spitfire Grill

"I'll tell you whatever you want to hear until you see it my way."
~Tom Johnson

Really? Are we as humans so fragile? Sad, but yes, it seems true. I deal with the public constantly, in situations where many of them feel prompted to lie. I can spot it from a mile off. But my big question is, why bother? The truth WILL OUT! Then you end up with a bigger pile of dung than you started with. Ergo, lying is like willfully over-eating when you know you've already got bowel distress. The shit will hit the fan. Guaranteed.

But, I guess the even bigger question here is why would anyone want to hear a lie over the truth? What is it about humanity that it wants to be coddled, and blindly so, it seems? What's the point of a security blanket that's covered in lice? Don't sugar coat it for me, don't try to cover it, give it to me straight.

When John was diagnosed with cancer, I made him tell me the infinite details - stuff he would keep from others to shelter their feelings or fears. Understandable that he didn't want to give people information that would make them frantic. But, I needed it. I had to know what we were facing. I couldn't have coped any other way. By the same token, given my experience as a caregiver, I always shot straight with him. When he would ask me about my experience with others, what he could expect, I never pulled punches. Did it hurt to be that blatant? Hell yes. Infinitely. But shielding him from inevitablilities would have hurt both of us more in the long run.

I'm not saying we all should go around hurting each other's feelings. No no no. But, if someone asks me, "Does my butt look big in this?" If it does, I'll let 'em know.

On my wedding day back in 1990 to my ex-bowl of oatmeal, I had sincere doubts. I didn't have the cojones to ask anyone if I was making a mistake. I think it's because I feared the answer and I didn't want to disappoint anyone. But, when I left him 8 years later, people came streaming out of the woodwork to say, "I never understood what you saw...." So, that taught me that if I have a hunch, a strong feeling, that gut level oh-jesus-this-is-wrong gig... I'm speaking up. Hate me forever for it, but it's better than me hating myself for not saying something.
As it is, the people in my closest circle are people I can count on for honesty in any given situation (and they can rely on getting the same from me). There are only 4 people in that circle. You know who you are. I cherish you, and I so highly value the care you show in tellin' it to me like it is. I may not always agree, but it means the world to me.

1 comment:

  1. Thousands of miles of progress in the BS-sandwich department-- both the preparing AND the consumption thereof...

    Here's to new options on the deli board.


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