Saturday, July 5, 2008

Independence Day

Hope you all had a wonderful 4th! It was definitely a day of celebration for me... I got to liberate the lad from the hospital! WoooHOOOO!!!!

He even had enough energy that we joined his family (they are a country unto themselves, I swah...) for a picnic and fireworks at the park in Bellevue. The weather was perfectly behaved. A fine time was had by all and the fireworks were actually much more impressive than I expected. Even the Bellevue Philharmonic (I still can't say the two words together without smirking though) was not bad at all. See, Bellevue Philharmonic puts me in mind of that scene at the end of The Fisher King where Robin Williams is directing all his fellow asylum-mates in a rendition of "How About You?" I digress. Anyway, the whole dang lot of us had a good time, and it truly amazed me to watch Scott enjoy his family, and them enjoy him, and just feel all the love and kick back after a week that wanted to rip everyone apart. Sometimes good things happen. Really really good things.

Of course, the sardonic side of me says, "Don't get too cozy, gal... the gods are merely winking in your direction for a moment."

When we got back to the house, I sat out back, staring at the stars and contemplating just how different this 4th of July felt from last year. Hell, last year, I think I took some of John's old morphine and crawled under the covers before the fireworks even started. Celebrating anything was just not part of my mindset. But this year... this year, I get assimilated by a whole 'nother clan, hauled out in public, and... I dunno. It's just. *sigh* When the spinning stops, someone hand my brain back to me. A year ago I was so so sad and alone; a month ago I was thrilled and hopeful; less than a week ago I was scared shitless; four days ago I was giddy with relief; yesterday I was happy and thankful; today feels almost normal, but restlessly so. If it makes no huge difference to Anyone or Anything else lurking out there in The Vasty Wasteland... could I please just have a calm stretch for a while? Thank ye kindly.

Still, for all I've got, and all I've been blessed enough to be able to hang on to... whew. Thank all the gods.


  1. Hmm Barb you've done yourself proud, I'm betting that a good percentage of Scott's recovery is down to you..
    "The Fisher King" a strangish movie as Robin Williams films go but then again watchable, i do have it and I'm now going to feel compelled to watch it once more.
    The gods might be winking in your direction, a wink is a very long time remember after all a second to god is about a thousand years.. a wink takes oh at least a few hundredths of a second so I'd say your good for a few years.

  2. "Everything's coming up roses, Lydia, for youuuuuuuuuuuuu!"

  3. I am so glad and greatful Barb that Scott is doing so well...I have to tell ya that the Sherman clan have been praying their asses off to the gods on high, to give him back to you whole and happy again, because we have all seen such a wonderful and happy change in you since Scott came into your life. For those of us that have lived through your devastating loss of John, and then the terrible lonliness to your soul that you had to endure without him, the long days, and the even longer nights of soul searching, and reflection, and heart pain and always, the emptiness. As your friend it broke my heart that I could do no more than just be there for you, to try to help in some miniscule way to make you laugh, or lend an ear and a shoulder when you needed it. And then there came that day when you told me about Scott...from that day to this, you have been so upbeat, so happy, and so alive again. No one knows when they lose the love of their life if they will ever be given a second chance at real happiness again, but it seems to me, that someone somewhere said, she has earned it, and she deserves it, and she will have it! (I wish that I were a great writer of words like you and Laura are, because I feel that these words are not adaquate enough to convey just how happy for you that we are, and I don't usually post on here because I don't want to sound like a "blithering idiot"...) That was a side note, and I don't want to get off the point I am trying to say here...
    You are a very humble lady and you never, ever give yourself enough credit for all the good you do for everyone, whether it's the written word here, or when you make a special dinner for someone, or pour your heart into a special card for someone, "just because"...this time, you need to realize that your special lad is on the road to a full recovery due to you being so alert and loving, and caring. If any of the circumstances of his stroke had been changed by one second, minute, or hour this outcome for him would not have been what it is...and his family, and all of us know does he..
    Your relationship with Scott is very unique, loving and happy, and you really compliment each other with love and respect. And I for one, am so happy that you have found another gypsy spirit to share your soul with..."circle the wagons boys, he's home!"
    Love you buddy,


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