Shadowland

When you get up in the morning and you see that crazy sun
Keep me in your heart for awhile
There's a train leaving nightly called when all is said and done
Keep me in your heart for awhile"
~Warren Zevon, Keep Me In Your Heart

So sad. A former coworker of mine took his own life Friday night. He had a beautiful spirit and was a gifted artist - what a tremendous loss. Having often talked to him and having knowledge of some of the issues in his life, I can understand why he felt there was no other way out. I can't imagine trying to stand in the face of some of the things he'd been through. I saw this (or something like it) coming months ago, and I tried to let him know I was there for him; tried to let him know he wasn't alone in The Vasty Wasteland. It wasn't enough. I'm heartbroken that it wasn't enough. I don't feel guilty exactly... just... ill-equiped.

Life is so precious. It causes me pain that someone would have absolutely no hope in something better. As Pollyanna as I've been accused of being sometimes, it should be noted that I've been down that road, and perilously close to the edge of the cliff at the end of it. Had it not been for people in my life grabbing the back of my shirt and yarding me away, I dunno... would I have? could I have? Maybe. Possibly. It's a damned dark place. But, I think (I have to believe) that somewhere inside of me has always been a fighter, that feisty gypsy, a spirit that says "move along, gal... there's better a better side of somewhere out there." But, oh, that darkness and I are on nodding terms. Sure, it's from afar these days, but too close once is close enough forever to remind me that I want to stay far away from it.

I've said it before and I'll say it again... as hard as it is, it's in reaching out to others that we minimize our own pain. It's in saying, "I will risk the agony of loving again" that the courage to care about another person is born. It's in caring about another person that we find the strength to preserve our sense of self. Regardless of direction, folks - be it your need for a lifeline, or your need to be a lifeline... reach out, reach out, reach out... please... it's a big old lonely world and we need each other. (Once again, I'm as guilty of getting wrapped up in my own tangled ball o' string as anyone else is - so I'm preaching to myself here as well as y'all.)

And it's a ripple effect. You change someone's day (good or bad) and they in turn change someone else's day, and that person... yeah, you get the picture. Make it worthy.

"...Only me beside you.
Still, you're not alone.
No one is alone. Truly.
No one is alone.
Sometimes people leave you.
Halfway through the woods.
Others may decieve you.
You decide whats good.
You decide alone.
But no one is alone...
...You move just a finger,
Say the slightest word,
Something's bound to linger,
Be heard.
No acts alone.
Careful.
No one is alone."
~Stephen Sondheim, Into the Woods