Monday, July 12, 2010

Ex Nihilo

From Ashes

Last week was an odd week. I'm already referring to is as The Lost Week of 2010. It was mostly due to the heat, but... I don't know... things just felt kind of out of whack. Even so, I accomplished some things and learned some things, especially while talking to friends.

I also did the crayon challenge. More on that at a later date, but basically, I gave myself a big blank sheet of paper, a box of 64 crayolas, and 64 minutes to use every crayon in the box. It was great - a wonderful challenge that I'll repeat any time I need to unwhack.

As my dear friend Matthew says, "Even when the universe is out of whack, it still can provide."

So it does. So it does. I spent a lot of time away from my rabbit hole, as it was just way too hot up there. Instead, I spent more time than usual surfing the web and chatting with my buddies. Typing was about as much physical activity as I was willing to deal with.

Toward the end of the week, three of us in the Whacked Out Universe were having a Mutual Appreciation & Boredom Society meeting. One member was lauding the other two of us for our amazing skills, and said there was no way she was on the same playing field as we. We both shot back equivalents of "don't be ridiculous - you're all that and a bag of chips!" She responded, "I'm too used to me."

I nearly fell off my chair. It was a completely unexpected revelation, an answer to a perplexing equation, a reason for the question I've asked for so long that I don't even notice myself asking it any more. The question is, "What's so special about me?" People comment on my work, on my writing, on what I give them as a person, and I just don't see it. I don't see what makes me special. The reason for that is... I'm too used to me. It's not modesty, and it's not self-deprecation, I simply don't see it. I'm used to me... too used to me.

I think maybe I need to reintroduce myself to me. I think in all the self-analysis I've done, I've lost sight of the human in here. And it's funny, right when I was receiving this fabulous cosmic epiphany, I was handing out an assignment to the other of the three. He asked for a challenge. I said, "Write about one of your heroes. But here's the kicker... I want you to write it as if it's the hero talking about you."

The Sensei never asks the Student to do something she is not willing to do herself. So, I think that, as a way of reintroducing myself to me, I will take the challenge too. I will pick one of my heroes and write myself a letter as if it is the hero talking. Coming soon!!! Watch this space.

The weather is back to normal. I'm back to my usual self - a night of cooler weather and decent sleep certainly helps that process!

Even when the universe is out of whack, it still can provide.

Ex Nihilo. Latin for out of nothing.

1 comment:

  1. bravo! :) thank you for sharing your inner turmoils. i am looking forward to more exploration and that lovely assignment! have a fabulously cooler week!
    ~amy/marina

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