Abiding

A year ago today I woke up to a beautiful sunrise. I was still living on Mt. Pilchuck by the river, and the apricot colored mist lifting from the trees was stunning. Birds twittered and flitted. Dragonflies hovered around the salmonberry bush. The river was low and, rather than its normal thundering, was burbling softly. I remember taking it all in as I sipped coffee on the deck. It was as if the Universe was telling me, "Enough harsh worry... time for fun."

I took the Universe's advice. Time for fun. Time to share some fun. So, on a whim, I posted an ad in the personals on craigslist (bold, brazen creature that I am). I wasn't looking for love, I was looking for fun and for someone who might appreciate the beauty of the day for what it was. All I wanted was someone to talk to... for just a little while. So I wrote a simple ad that said, "Glorious day today!" followed by some small blather about being out and about in the natural beauty of the woods and hoping to converse with someone smarter than the average bear.

About 10 minutes later I received the first of maybe 30 responses. It was a simple reply that made me grin. The guy wrote: "Glorious Day? Yes, it is... And it was a beautiful sunrise over Mt. Pilchuck today!!! Have a Wonderful Day. PS: I’m Smarter than the Average Ranger!!!"

Now, I hadn't mentioned that I was anywhere near Mt. Pilchuck, which is a little bit remote. So the response took me a little by surprise. However, being the smartass that I am, I couldn't resist shooting back with, "Mt. Pilchuck , huh? That's where I am! *looks over shoulder*... Hey! put those binoculars away!" To which he in turn replied, "That's just funny. Howdy neighbor!" He was using my vernacular. Uh Oh.

I responded again with, "Where in the Pilchuck are you? (That sounded like a really good curse, didn't it?)" He responded, "What’s with this cursing at me already? I haven’t even left the toilet seat up yet!" I was hooked, humor slut that I am.

We bantered back and forth like that until we fell into a phone call that evening. I saw his name and number show up on my caller ID. My heart did a little flip-flop as I thought... oh boy, here we go. I took a deep breath and answered the phone with what I hoped was a very cheerful, "Hello!" The voice that came back at me was deep... Sam Elliot deep. Be still my heart... The guy has a sense of humor and a baritone? Oy. You've got trouble.

A couple of days later he showed up at my door (invited, of course) carrying grocery bags full of steak, shrimp, salad stuff, etc. He proceeded to commandeer my kitchen and make me dinner. He made me laugh with his wit and his stories. His touch was tender. He was at home amid all the nature that surrounded me, and he seemed at home amid my nature. I felt as though I was spending time with someone I'd known forever.

I felt my façade crumble. I felt old scabs fall off and scars smooth over. For the first time ever in my life, I felt entirely safe. Here we are, a year later, and those feelings haven't changed except that they've intensified. I've had a year already with my Steve. I'm amazed by him every day. I'm amazed at the love I feel. He gives every part of himself to me, and I to him. It's a relationship that feels as natural as breathing does, and I'm well aware of how rare that is.

Funny what comes your way when you least expect it. I might not have been looking for love, but that's exactly what I found.