Tuesday, March 22, 2011

20 Minutes of Insanity: Day Six

Shadow Land
Tribute to the Japanese people
who endured the earthquake and tsunami
of March 2011

So, yesterday morning I laced up my new walking shoes and hit the sidewalk. I only hit it for 30 minutes, but when your carcass is as out of shape as mine is, that is quite an accomplishment. I was very pleased with my wheezy self.

I was industrious yesterday. More than usual, at least. I got all the laundry done (five loads worth - where the hell does all that dirty stuff come from?!), managed to put some of my "new" stamps away, cleaned the kitchen, made chicken enchilladas (yum!), and I don't know what else. But I was busy all day. Oh, well... I guess you could also include writing and art in that list. Duh.

I managed to paper cut... well, no... aluminum foil cut the pad of my right index finger. Of course, I'm right handed. Of course, it's in a spot where it constantly gets abused. Typing is an interesting venture with one finger out of commission and considering that I'm not a hunt-n-peck typer. It's maddening. And it slows me down. I'm used to typing just about as fast as I can talk. Thankfully, I'm not a fast talker.

I find it interesting - oh, total subject change, by the way - I find it interesting that those of use who are strong, who are there for others, who shoulder heavy loads... we don't cut ourselves any slack when the going gets rough. How dare we show a softer side? How dare we admit to any frailty? It's bullshit, but I've noticed that it's how we all opperate... we, the strong. I'm pondering this because I have some people in my life who are having to tred a fairly rocky path just now and it's really difficult to make them say anything past, "I'm fine" when I ask how they're holding up. And I can handle that because I'm the same way. At least I recognize them and can smile and say, "Okay, Bullshitter... you know where I am when you need me."

But really. How long do you let the wax burn your hand befor you wise up, blow the candle out, and just sit in the dark for a little bit? We (and I am definitely part of that collective) are so unforgiving of ourselves for hatching an emotion.

Speaking of! What the fuck is with people apologizing for crying?! I see it almost every time someone cries, whether on TV or in real life, or whatever. Tears start falling and the first thing the person says is, "I'm sorry...." Why, oh why do we apologize for our tears? Why is that seen as such a sign of weakness?

I think tears (unless they're used as a manipulation) are a type of fortitude. It's our emotional way of saying, this is as far as I go. This is the fissure where I stop. It's time to reassess and regroup. So tell me, what it wrong with that?

We never apologize for laughing... well some of us have to because "we" (yeah, okay, it's all on me) have a bad penchant for laughing at the most inappropriate times.

But tears. We need to cry. We need that release. Someone once told me, "I don't like to cry because I think I'm ugly when I cry." What a horrible way to feel. How did we all end up so warped?!

Cry if you need to. It doesn't

*ding ding ding* ... time's up... and... "publish post"

1 comment:

  1. Amen to this: "But tears. We need to cry. We need that release." Also, good for you walking.


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