Wading InLast day of this 20 minute insanity. Hoo-freakin'-RAY! I'm ready to be done. What have I learned? I'm not entirely sure. I guess most importantly I've learned that the control freak within me doesn't like this at all. However, I've also learned that she can be pushed, aside at least for a while. She never does really shut up though.
Recently a group of friends and I banded together to help out another friend. I think it's appropriate to say that we blew her socks off. It was such a fun thing to do, and I was reminded again of just how good it feels to reach out and do something for someone else without any expectation in return. It's what we're here for. It's what friends are for. If we can't impact each other's life and force a change in a positive direction, why even wake up in the morning? It's humbling.
Plus, we got to be sneaky and pull it off without her knowing anything about it until the love bomb got dropped on her. Using cleverness for good (and never ever for evil) is always a blast.
Yesterday I met a woman who is saying a slow goodbye to her young, dying son. I recognized the resigned sorrow in her eyes. I remember seeing that in my own eyes not so very long ago. Once again I was impressed with how fast life can change, both for the bad and for the good. Once again I was impressed with how truly graced my life is right now.
Friends have said, "Enjoy it. You've paid your debt in so many ways." And yet. I don't see the good as a payback for the bad. I've learned to accept the good, but I can't believe that it was something owed to me. What I do think is that because of the good, I owe a further debt to spread good. How dare I be complacent and think, "Well, isn't this nifty for me?! Too bad for the rest of you." Karma works in both directions, my friends. And karma never ever sleeps. Karma doesn't take so much as a coffee break.
And then, late last night, I heard, "You're beautiful, and I love you just the way you are. Thank you for being you, and for being here with me." Again, so humbling. Isn't it interesting... when I heard negative things (or when I thought I was hearing negative things), I never wanted to change, never wanted to strive for better. But, when I hear good things it makes me want to strive to keep up that standard, to be worthy of that kind of accolade.
If we were kinder and more loving to each other, just think how we'd all bloom. Yes. Bloom. As trite as it might sound, think about it. Sure, there are plants that can grow from cracks in the concrete, and there is beauty in that, no question. But think how beautiful a field of flowers looks, having been bathed in sunshine, whispered to by the rain, caressed by the breeze. We humans need that too. We need to know we are loved just because we are.
I have a wealth of things within me. If I'm different from anyone else, it's because I'm no longer willing to lock that wealth away. When we keep our true selves in a vault, we not only do a disservice to ourselves, but to others. Other people need us, desperately need us, to be who we are to our fullest potential. Would you invite someone over for dinner and say, "Well... here are the potatoes. I didn't bother with the rest of the meal, so you'll just have to deal with it." No, of course not. You'd want them to leave the table full and happy and having partaken of the best of all flavors. Sharing yourself with someone is no different. Sure, maybe all by itself that potato is kind of boring, but add a little butter or sour cream and it sings.
I'm making myself hungry. You get the idea.
Ahhhh... the timer just dinged. And so this insane little journey comes to an end. Thank you everyone for hanging with me through it, and for all of your kind comments. I promise, I will never put either of us through this again!