John used to have a thing he'd say when he came across an old letter or a picture or something that reminded him of someone from his past. He'd sigh and say, "Old movies..." We all have them in our heads.
Yesterday when I was going through some boxes (I am not hauling anything I don't need to!), I came across an envelope in John's old stuff. It contained a printout of every email I sent him before we met up "in real life." I glanced at a couple of them, allowed myself to feel the exquisite pain that came with doing so, then sighed and said, "Old movies, Hunny."
This morning after Steve had left for work, I was sitting out on the balcony sipping coffee. Neighbor Danny (aka The Ol' Fishin' Slut - because he fishes every day) looked up at me and said, "Mornin' Barb! What's up for today?" I said, "Heya, Slut!" and told him that I was going up to the cabin to finish packing the last few things and start on the clean-up process. He said he hated to move more than anything else. I said, "Me too! I told Steve that if he changes his mind he's stuck with my shit! I'll just leave." Danny replied, "He changes his mind and I'll whap him upside the head with a 2x4! I've never seen the man happier and we need to keep him that way." I grinned, "That's my intention." The Slut just winked and with a wave, hopped in his truck and headed out to harass the fish.
I wonder, when I look back on this time in my life in a couple of years, what will bring that wistful, whimsical look to my face? What old movie is being made just now? Last night, half in tears, I said to Steve, "Where the hell did you come from? You just blew into the woods like a warm breeze from the valley, swept me off my feet, and... you were right there, right exactly when I needed you most... and... I just don't know what I would ever do without you."
Steve said, "When the glass is half full, does it matter?"
No, Baby. No it doesn't.