In Spite of Ourselves

Oh boy. Oh wow. Oh frabjous day.

I have a new man in my life. He hacked through the briars, vaulted the fortress walls, and kissed me awake in startling bolt of lightening. I've fallen. Fallen hard. I'm head over heals, crazy in love. There's no point in denying it. No choice even.

Does love ever show up without being a complete surprise? Does it ever knock politely and say, "Do you mind?" I didn't expect this. Didn't see it coming. Got hit hard enough that my shoes were left behind on the pavement somewhere. At the outset I thought, "Well, let's just have some fun already and see where it goes." Foolish Gypsy... tough chick, hiding out in the woods, all independent and bristly, thinking no one will ever be able to dent the well constructed armor. Yeah, a real hard-ass. Riiiiight.

He showed up when he said he'd show up (and has been right on the dot every time since), stocked my fridge without me asking, fixed the back door (that probably bothered his sensibilities a whole lot more than mine), fixed the back gate, brought his chainsaw and cut up firewood, and... hell... loved me up like I'm the only woman in the world. He's intelligent, considerate, has a wonderful sense of humor, is completely irreverent about most stuff, calls during the day just to see how I'm doing, commands my respect and admiration without demanding it.

I hung back like a skittish little animal (it's been a long, long time since I was the most important person in anyone's day), barely knowing how to act, much less react. He let me. Took me just the way I am. Everytime I tried to back away, he moved toward me. Moved toward me and put his hands in my hair with such tenderness that I could scarcely breathe.

I am in love. Me, Barb, feisty gypsy descendant of Attila... in love... and scared nearly shitless at the prospect. And excited. I find myself overwhelmed with thoughts of him, distracted, staring at the clock waiting for his day to be done, jumping everytime the phone rings. My poor tattered heart has gone all soft and mushy and girlie. You're probably nodding and saying, "About freekin' time!" Hands in the air, I surrender.

I gave in to it just this morning as I woke and caught him looking at me, his hand on the small of my back. I thought, "You're in it, Barbara Ann." And it feels so right. As we drank coffee together, I pulled up this song for him on youtube.com. We listened, me with a big silly grin on my face. He said, "You're all smiley this morning!" I said, "Shut up. Just listen to the song."

~In Spite Of Ourselves, John Prine and Iris Dement