Thursday, October 30, 2008

Affirmative Action

It's official. I'm down another pants size - yesterday I wore a pair of pants to work that I couldn't get into a month ago. Last night as I was lying in bed doing my pre-sleep pondering, I rediscovered my ribcage. For those of you who've never been grossly overweight, you can't understand what a glorious feeling that is. But it is in fact a glorious feeling. I figure I've lost 120 lbs or so since July 2007. I've got a ways to go yet before goal, but I'm getting there. It really hasn't been that hard for me to do. For me it's always been a matter of where the head and heart go, the body follows. It's a triune thing - can't have one imbalance without it impacting the others, because then, in a wild geometric turn of events, the equilateral triangle becomes a vicious circle. So, while it does take effort, I find that the greater effort has been in understanding more about myself and working to become the better inner me.

All that arcs on over to something else I've been mulling of late. In my life I've been clever, resilient, resourceful, practical, intelligent, creative, tenacious and ardent in my beliefs. What I've never been is entrepreneurial. It's time. I want to be. I'm so full of ideas and so tired of working for others in jobs that, while I tend to excel at them, leave me somewhat less than fulfilled. So, my new incarnation, my new endeavor, will be my attempt to pimp myself out - to make enough cash to keep the rent paid, the propane tanks full, and the critters fed by doing the things I love. I think I've got what it takes - I'm not nearly as fragile around criticism as I used to be - I know I can do the work. I think my biggest hurdle is deciding which "what" I want to focus on most, and even bigger, finding the appropriate venue(s).


I refuse to have half of a flourishing life (home) while the other half (work) stagnates. Why can't I have both be what I want? Why can't I fully enjoy all 24 hours of the day by being where I want to be and doing what I want to do? At some point in my life, I was put into a box and told, "Do the right thing. Bring home the paycheck. Call it good." But, in April 2007 I made a promise to a dying man that I would strive to become the absolute best I could be. This is part of it. It has to be.

Enact paradigm. Set course. Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning.

3 comments:

  1. Awesome, good for YOU!!!! Truly another inspiration in my life. Keep up the great work sis.

    Here's to you and your goal. :))

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  2. Ribs, hips, collar bones & wrists-- who knew all that pointy stuff was hiding out in there??

    SO proud of you, hon-- you truly are kickin' ass & takin' names ~

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  3. Congratulations Barb, nice steady loss, oh and you've got what it takes.
    I love that quote from some film / TV show / book...
    I'm the total opposite, I wanna put a little weight on, I would like a little more bulk around my frame but I guess with the hyper-metabolism I've got there is little chance of that.

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