Saturday, June 28, 2008

Miserere

Someone accidently sent Summer to the Pacific NW. I mean, sun and 85 degrees... what rift in the time-space continuum have we fallen through?!

It was a long, grueling week. While my intentions were to be better about posting, the exhausted flesh (and gray matter) was at a loss to do so.

Had an ongoing email conversation with Laura (aka Haute Bisquette) the other day that's had my inner ranter in a slow simmer. Both of us have stumbled upon men in the past few months who have been utterly trampled by the women of their past. What gives with that?! I get so tired of hearing about other evil wenches having trod on these lads. Not that it doesn't take two to tangle, but where the hell does all this vicious vindictiveness come from? I can't imagine what any guy could to to me to make me want to rip his nads off like that. And what's gained in the end anyway? Nada, but a bunch of strife and cancerous rage.

And, I tell ya... it gives women of honor like me (and my dear HB) a badly prejudiced rep. All of the men in my life - whatever the nature of the relationship - brothers, friends, lovers - those who are still part of it, those who are not, have been men of honor, highly decent beings, and more than anything else intrinsically good people. So it's not that I've known a bunch of dirtbags who might deserve to be treated with such disdain. For me, at least, when a relationship is over, that's it. It's done. Separating is hard enough. Why prolong a "bad" thing by making it worse? Gonna fix a broken leg by holding it over the fire? Nuh uh. Gonna make you feel better to make someone else miserable? Doesn't work that way.

So, what is it? Insecurity? An overblown sense of feminist bullshit? Where the hell does this "baby, you need to suffer" attitude come from? I was in an abusive relationship once. All I wanted was to be away... my li'l hellbitch Karma can take care of the rest of whatever he's got coming. I couldn't have done anything that would have dented him as much as the inevitability of him having to face himself in his own mirror. I simply said bye-bye... have your day... take a bow. And then I went to work on myself for having allowed myself to enter and endure such a journey of stupid co-dependence. I think I was far more angry with me than with him. In some ways, though I've forgiven myself, I still am... how could I have been so fuckin' stoooooopid!? Maybe that's it... you want to reach out and claw him because you don't have the guts to face up to your own culpability.

Anyway. Women... lighten UP! Unclench wench! You want change? Change yourself. Regardless... miserere. Let the dudes be.

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