Friends have expressed concern over my blog posts of late. They're worried that I've been writing a little too much on the dark side lately. You're all very sweet, but I'm just fine. I'm really a very happy person, and I'm quite content with where I am in my life right now. Last night as I was pondering how to best respond to such concerns, I sat and watched some oceanography type special. It was mostly stuff I've seen before, so it left me with space to think. Then the woman who was hosting the show answered my question with a question, and gave me a glorious "Aha!" moment.
She queried, "If we don't explore, how will we know what questions to ask?"
When I write out darker, maybe even slightly morose thoughts, I'm exploring. And if I don't give myself over to that inner exploration, to my soul spelunking, how will I know which questions to ask myself?
I think everyone has deeper thoughts than they'd like to admit. Most people brush stuff like that off as just "being in a mood." I'm unwilling to do that. I think the difference between me and many others is that I'm not afraid to explore that dark side. I have no qualms about marching into those halls, walking right up to angels and demons both, and saying, "What are you doing here?"
I spend hours just thinking and asking myself questions. In my opinion, it's a gift to be able to do that. It's largely because of that gift that I have any concept at all of who I am and of my purpose, value and validity in this life.
It's not important to me whether I get an answer - I often do not. Intelligence is more about knowing which questions to ask than having all the answers. I'm happy enough just having the questions.
Barb: I'll take "Who Am I?" for $1000, Alex.
Alex: What is the worth of a gypsy soul in the grand scheme of things?
Barb: What is priceless?