No more table scraps for lepers and orphans. No more merciful beheadings. And, call off Christmas!
~Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
Ever watch a movie that was so horribly done that it was laughable? Laura and I often poke fun at Julia Roberts' sad (oh so sad) Oyrish accent in Mary Reilly. Cameron Diaz was near 'bout as bad in Gangs of New York. Worse by far (which is saying quite a lot) was Kevin Costner in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.
In fact the whole movie is horrible, which has always kind of distressed me considering it has some of my favorite actors in it. How could Morgan Freeman betray me with such dreck?! Rickman was almost forgivable because he's so good at nasty (but even he over-hams it), and because he was just coming off of Die Hard - that's gotta be like playing the roll of Othello after playing the roll of Griswold in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. And Costner... well... sometimes he's good and sometimes he's... just... not. We won't even talk about the overblown soundtrack.
Still... the movie has it's rare moments and my favorite is the opening line of today's blog. I'd almost forgotten it and it's one of my all time favorite quotes. However, I was reminded of it when I was forced to watch Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves again last night (because it was turned up too friggin' loud to sleep through, that's why!), because Scott had never seen it and wouldn't believe me that it could be so bad. He knows better now. Yeah, I know... I could have avoided the whole thing and gone over to the studio to do something artsy and satisfying, but I just wasn't in the mood. The irony here is that I happen to have a copy of the movie on DVD only because years ago John wouldn't believe me that the movie could be so bad! I tried to give it away at a garage sale a few months back and nobody wanted it.... it's that bad.
Anyway... here's another favorite quote from another movie that greatly annoys me (Chevy Chase chafes my brain). But, I'll sit through the damned thing just to hear this line:
Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Pass the Tylenol.