30 Days of Truth: Day Thirty!!!

You thought it would never end. I know I did! But, here we are on the final day of 30 Days of Truth. I'll be so happy to be done with this albatross. That's especially true considering how difficult it's going to be for me to write today's post.

Here we go...

Day Thirty - A letter to yourself, tell yourself everything you love about yourself.

Dear Gypsy Girl,

Remember not so very long ago when you thought you had nothing to offer the world? Look at you now... writing words that people you don't even know read every day. Look at you now... making art that people you don't know are buying. Buying! Paying their hard earned cash for it. Nothing to offer the world? Woman, your voice rings true and says what is in a way that people can relate to, in a way that makes them find some comfort. Your vision makes people blink and say, "Yeah.... hell yeah!"

Remember, also not so long ago, when you felt completely unlovable? Look at you now... dozens of friends from all walks of life who love and support you and think the world of you. Plus, you're in a relationship with a guy who wants nothing more than to know you're happy, and who will do whatever it takes to ensure that. He loves you, flabby bits, moody weirdness, demanding nature and all. All of this is because you've somehow made a difference in their lives, and that, more than anything, is what makes you lovable.

Remember when you couldn't imagine any kind of future for yourself? You were unfocused, unsure, and without any clear direction. Look at you now, nearly 49, living dreams you never imagined. You have everything you never knew you wanted. You've stood in the fire and you've weathered the storms. You've done more than survive, you've thrived! You never gave up, you never quit believing in a better day (even when you had no clue what that better day was). You're a fighter, you're a tenacious, scrappy, spittin' bitch of a fighter.

Remember back when everything in the world pissed you off? You finally figured out (on your own, no less) that the only person you were really pissed at was yourself. You rallied. You made changes. You did what you could to make kinder days for everyone, which made kinder days for you. You exacted changes, shifted paradigms, and you grew. You're one of the most caring, compassionate people in the world today. You smile at strangers, genuinely smile. You help when you know help is needed, and often without it being asked for. You say hello to a gritty, dirty, stench-filled world and you make it bloom into something lovely.

Remember when your heart was shattered? After John died, you didn't think you'd have enough strength to go on breathing, let alone find any kind of energy necessary to pick up the pieces and move on. Look at you now. You opened your eyes and your heart. You allowed yourself to feel the pain so you could know and recognize the sweet release when it finally came. You're stronger than you know, indeed, you're often stronger than you want to be. The point is, you're an incredibly strong woman. And you know love when you see it. Look at the man you have in your life now, at the way his eyes absorb everything in your soul and give back more light than you can handle.

Here are adjectives I could use to describe you, although none of them (even cumulatively) really catch your essential self: artistic, beautiful, humorous, loving, caring, bold, blunt, honest, open, fierce, intelligent, exploring, unafraid, soulful, deep, passionate... The list goes on, but what it comes down to is that you're a good person. A very good person.

You love life. Yes, it is evident, and that is such a wonderful thing to see in a person. Like the blind woman told you that day, nearly 4 years ago now, "You shine."

You shine, Gypsy Girl. I love you,

Barbara Ann