Wednesday, August 11, 2010

7 Easy Ways to Defeat Your Own Purpose

When Goldfish Dream

Okay kids... let's try a little reverse psychology. See if it works. It often does for me, but then, I'm always up for some sarcasm. Honestly, I need a break from trying to bolster everybody's spirit. So, for all of you who never want to achieve anything greater than you already have, for those of you who enjoy mediocrity, this blog's for you, Baby.

Granted, I'm no expert, but I have proof in my own life that these work. In fact, they work quite well and really take very little effort.

Here are 7 Easy Ways to Defeat Your Own Purpose. That gives you one for each day of the week. Feel free to apply them to whichever days you prefer, and use more than one (or even all)at the same time if you're feeling extra spunky.
  • Convince yourself you don't deserve anything good. After all, what have you ever done for anyone else? Why should you be rewarded for doing something that seems natural to you?
  • Don't try. What's the point in trying if you're only going to fail? Besides, everyone else is better at it than you are.
  • Watch a lot of TV. Yes, a lot! Yessiree... flop on the sofa and saturate your mind with any and all mindless banter and unintelligent drivel. You'll feel better for it. You need the rest anyway.
  • Quit interacting with others who have similar interests. This one is important. It's likely they're just trying to steal your good ideas anyway. Plus, they're probably snobs who won't show you any kind of support.
  • Do not attempt anything new! While this might sound like fun, an inherent evil lurks therein. It's called learning. It's just an attempt to get you to better yourself.
  • Do not read. Ever. This one should be obvious, but people often fall into the reading trap. I'm telling you, even if it's for pleasure, you could find yourself learning something or even... egads, the horror... inspired.
  • Try not to treat your physical needs with respect. Exercise is just going to wear you out. Proper sleep is a waste of time. Good nutrition... meh... who needs it?! We're all going to die eventually anyway.

So, there you have it. Easy as that! Let me know how it goes... if you're up to it. Don't strain.

Now do you realize how ridiculous you sound sometimes? Yes, you. You know who you are.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, this is rich.

    Love it. Needed it.


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