Saturday, December 8, 2007

Sounds of Distant Drumming

It's a sunny Saturday here in Kirkland. What are the odds?! Weather usually doesn't matter much to me, no matter what flavor it is. I'll get out there regardless. I'll admit though, after this past week, it is nice to see the Bright Hurty Thing up in the sky again. On my agenda today are a few errands, a few chores, and a few creative endeavors. That should keep me (somewhat) out of trouble. So, here I am, good bean within easy reach, cat curled around my feet like a uni-slipper (Midnight is good for that much, at least), pondering what to post here.

It seems I offended some folks with my Christmas rant post yesterday (now I know what to do when my email inbox is empty - *evil grin*). Well, good. I'm glad if I offended you (that means an element of truth to what I posted made you feel
something); I'm glad I riled you (be it right or wrong, Righteous Indignation wins over Apathy in my book every day); and I'm glad I got you thinking (when was the last time you took minutes from your day to really ponder the meaning of something?). Does that mean I meant to hurt anyone's feelings? No. Never. If your feelings were hurt, then you don't know me very well. Much like the parent who only wants all good things for the child, I chide because I care
. Consider this, too... when I say things that are intended to shake people from their passivity, it's because I've been there myself - how can I speak of anything without basing it on personal experience? I wouldn't dare try to polish someone else's mirror - how arrogant would that be? However, I won't hesitate to turn you toward your own mirror.

Also, it seems there are a few of you who are concerned for my godless soul. Stop it. Please. My soul is not at all godless. However, having been a practitioner of, and participant in, various forms of Christianity (from being a born-again pain in the ass to being a good subservient Catholic girl, and several other iterations in between), I made an
informed and conscious decision that it is not the path for me. There is an amazing Universe of greater Wisdom, Truth and Love
out there, and I strive daily to discover more, and to live closer to those three precepts. I have a rich, beautiful, and powerful spiritual life that simply doesn't conform to, or recognize, any one dogma. Kindly worry about your own soul, as mine is well on its Journey.

I guess another thing that might be helpful for you to recognize (in reading my scribbles), is this: for so long I've kept silent, and I simply can't allow myself to do that now. Reticence would fly in the face of everything I've begun to discover about myself, and would, I feel, be unfair to everyone. If I'm to live life wide open enough to accept and explore the tenets that are, and the revelations that are to become part of my life, then conversely, I have to be just as open to revealing those things. Repression no longer works for me, expression does. Without being grounded, one can't stretch toward the sky.
What it comes down to: I am ever and only who I am. That who has gone through some tremendous trial by fire this year, and the forging therein melted all the useless bits, and brought about something steely and strong (and simultaneously sharp and blunt). That who has faced the darkest moment of a human soul and found profound beauty in it (someday, when I can find the right words and we all have kleenex, I will share that moment). That who
found out that our little worlds can do a reversal of rotation in the blink of an eye. So, you'll understand if, when something strikes me, I don't hesitate to holler, "Hey!" Suppression at this point would likely require thorazine and restraints.

I'll try not to step on your toes when we dance... but I won't follow your lead. My Drummer bangs a wicked good off-beat.

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