The Swirl

I'm suffering from whatever the opposite of writer's/artist's block is. I've been lost in a swirl of too much and too many - too much input to unravel, shuffle and delineate; too many ideas, words, and pictures in my head. I'm so full of it (hah, yeah, I said that) that I don't know where or how to begin. I've spent hours doodling and dabbling with nothing concrete making an appearance. I've fiddled with words on a page without saying anything.

I really need to find a way to, pardon my baseness, stick my finger down my mental throat and regurgitate some of it. I'm feeling... not blocked... but plugged. It's as if I'm trying to force molasses through a tiny funnel, and the sweet trickle just isn't enough to satisfy.

And there's a thought that won't leave my head. I woke up with it in the middle of the night, those vague, ethereal hours somewhere between Wednesday and Thursday. The thought is: Touch one soul, touch the Universe. It means something, something weighty... something I'm supposed to get on a deeper level than I already do.

There is something looming and I'm not supposed to get out of the way, or not allowed to. The feeling I have is that I'm to be absorbed by it, and then burst through it. I know how weird that sounds, but try feeling it. Oy vey. I'm just sorting out loud here.

So, I took the day yesterday to stay quiet and listen. I heard nothing more, save the repetitive litany in my head: Touch one soul, touch the Universe, touch one soul, touch the Universe, touch one soul, touch the Universe, touch one soul, touch the Universe, touch one soul, touch the Universe...

Deliciously maddening, a sad alertness, a joyful reluctance...

I am waiting.