Aware Am I?

The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.
~Henry Miller

I am wrestling... something. I would like to say that I'm on the horns of a dilemma, but all I can see is the tip of the horns. The rest of the beast remains hidden. I can hear it in the fog, snuffling and pawing at the dirt. Perhaps it is waiting to fully see me. Perhaps it is just making noise to remind me, "Be aware."

One of the reasons why so few of us ever act, instead of react, is because we are continually stifling our deepest impulses.
~Henry Miller

Be aware. Right. I feel, for all my sagaciousness and acuity, that I'm just missing something. The catch in the woodwork that opens the door to a hidden room. I'm the child, jumping up and down behind a too tall fence, trying to peer over the top, whining, "I wanna see! I wanna see!"

Why are we so full of restraint? Why do we not give in all directions? Is it fear of losing ourselves? Until we do lose ourselves there is no hope of finding ourselves.
~Henry Miller

It's that damned restlessness again. That thing in me. The feral in the finery. One of these days, it'll find a way to chew through the restraint. One of these days it will burst into the clearing, unfettered and wild, snorting and defiant... and ready to take on the world.

Then there's this. I wrote it yesterday, rather mindlessly. I just needed to pour some words out. When I re-read it this morning, it felt like self-admonition. Okay. I accept.

Another Sip

Vainglorious
for all to see
as the world
washed itself new,
it wasn't as if
you ate the last pickle
from the jar,
or the first ripe peach
from the tree.

See, I am drinking
another cup of coffee
as I search
for meaning
in your tea leaves,
but comprehension,
much like your coat of armor,
fails.

Try walking another mile.
Try drowning in a thimble.
Try falling up
as stars surround.
This, then
is your duty,
your ever bound success.

I hate to tell you,
I'm no oracle.
Only, I talk rather
loudly, insisting
that your feet be bare
and your head bowed
before you take another sip
of me.
~bab 21 June 2010