I have too much in my head, that's why. Sometimes when my head is too full, nothing I do will allow me to empty it. I have no real words for the things that I'm facing. Big things.... like the fact that I'm poised to lose it all. I suppose on some level I'm depressed and yet I still breathe in and out, still function like a "normal" human. I even find myself smiling and laughing at little things. But, underneath those moments is a current of dread.
Even so, somehow... I know who I am. I know I'll face these things and grow through them and beyond them. I know exactly what I'm made of.
I've always been a strong swimmer. I'll make it.