Thursday, November 15, 2007

Seeing Red (& Green)

I listened to the radio this morning as I was rowing the ark to work (welcome to winter in the Pacific NW!). The DJ came on with a blurb that has me throwing my metaphysical hands in the air in a state of baffled resignation.

News flash: In Australia, Santa is being told to refrain from uttering the traditional, “Ho Ho Ho!” and use “Ha Ha Ha!” instead. Why? Because “Ho Ho Ho” may be offensive to women. What the f*ck?! Have we become so overly sensitive to the merest possibility of a slight that we can’t even honor tradition? People! Puh-leeeeeeze!!! “Ho Ho Ho,” as part of the Santa Claus Christmas tradition, was culled from the much beloved, oft read story written by Clement Clarke Moore, ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas. Are you going to try to tell me now, after all these years, that dear ol’ Clement was implying that St. Nick had a thang for prostitutes? Really? Well, damn. Santa Baby (hey, is that a crack pipe you’re smoking?), I’ll be your Ho, and I’ll wager I can find two female friends who will gladly join me.

Shit. What next? Will we do away with the whole imagery of the red and white spinning North Pole because it’s too phallic looking? (Those ain't sugar plumbs I'm dreamin' of, Sweetheart!)

All things being equal, I’m not a huge proponent of Christmas anyway. Blatant, ugly, gaudy, over-commercialism aside, I have a hard time believing in god, much less the whole virgin birth / baby / savior thing. Like the song says, “Jesus is just alright by me,” but, he’s not my god. (To all you Christians who are going to jump my back for saying so – know that there are several gods I don’t believe in, not just yours. I firmly stand by disbelief with no compunction- fodder for future posts, have no doubt. After all, I once stood in your sandals.) That being said, my upbringing was steeped in Catholic tradition, so on some level, the pretty lights and carols do tug at my cynical, poly-atheistic heart. I still wish people “Merry Christmas” every year. I like to hear it myself, because it’s normally meant as a heartfelt wish for good cheer. There’s nothing wrong with that, no matter what the words are. It’s the thought that counts.

Now, while we’re on the subject, the phrase “Season’s Greetings” bugs the crap out of me- what the hell does it mean? Which Season? Winter Solstice Season? Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa Season? Criminy, if you can’t commit to an idea, don’t say anything, ya big wuss.

I wish you Peace & Brown Rice. Y’all try not to kill each other, k?

1 comment:

  1. HA!!! I read your Red n Green blog (btw I love the Red Green show!) You gotta be f-ing kidding me. No more HO HO HO? jiminy christmas! that's just plain stupid. I also heard that in England (?) they are out lawing FAT santas too....Need we remind everyone that Santa is just an anagram to Satan? Do I even know what the hell I"m talking about? Damn.
    Is that a Candy Cane in your pocket or are ya just happy to see me?
    Love and Burning Chestnuts, VQ

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