Thursday, August 11, 2011

Gathering Hoards

Hi, my name is Barb, and I'm a hoarder. Oh, not like you think. I don't have stacks of old newspapers hanging around, or an obsession with clothing I never wear, or kitchen gadgets that don't get used. In fact, with the exception of cast off socks (his, not mine) you can pretty much walk through the entire house unhindered. No, my collection is a mental hoard. I accumulate pet peeves.

Well, I accumulate them for a while, until what's bugging me bothers me less than the fact that I'm bugged at all. Generally speaking, I'm not one of those people who gets enjoyment out of griping about useless shit. So, on a regular basis I cull through my peeve hoard and toss a bunch of them out. Why not toss all of them, you ask. Because a few of them are valid. A few of them keep the fire of dissatisfaction lit under my abnormally content demeanor.

Which ones? Fine. Here's a list of my keepers.
  • People who say "I love (my children, spouse, friend, etc.)" and then qualify it with the word "but." Love is to be unconditional. Unconditional love has no room for the word "but." If you have issue with the person you love, then it's necessary to discuss it and reconcile it, even if the discussion and reconciliation is only within yourself. Regardless, you're driving me nuts. So, please stop saying, "I love _______, but...."
  • Leafblowers. Sadly, there is no way around this one. The only remedy is a universal ban on the wretched, noise-making fuckers. Yesterday I sat through two hours of the noise while some dude blew pine needles off of the parking lot at the school next door. Really. Pine needles on a parking lot. Who gives a shit?!
  • Having the first sheet of toilet paper glued down so that you literally have to rip the thing apart and take a couple of turns around the roll before you get to a clean edge. No, it's not the worst thing in the world, but it's maddening. The fact that it happens, more often than not, at 3 a.m. when I'm barely awake and my hands are still numb from sleeping on them doesn't help matters any.
  • Rudeness... lack of common courtesy. It's just sad that common courtesy seems to have become an exception worthy of surprise. Is it really so hard to show some basic thoughtfulness? Do something nice for someone else. Say thank you when someone does something nice for you. Teach children that this is normal behavior.
  • Why has a second shift trash pick-up never been instituted? Who decided that trash pick-ups should be between the hours of 4-7 a.m.? Why not 6-9 p.m.? Seriously!
  • Clearly I don't like noisy stuff. So while were on the subject, how about we yank commercials that come on at 5 times the volume of the program we're watching. They still have to pay their sponsor fees, they just don't get the air time. That'll teach 'em. Since we're talking about commercials, let's just roll this peeve in with the other (you see how easy it is to amass them?), not every product needs a jingle, in fact, most products don't need a jingle. And quit stealing all my favorite classic rock n' roll tunes, ya skeevy rat bastards! Enough said.
  • Companies that over charge for shipping, just who do you think you are?! Thanks to the great promotional material put out by the USPS, we all know about those nifty flat rate boxes. You're not fooling anyone. Mostly you're pissing of some of us who land a little more on the astute side of things, thus losing sales. Sure, I'm in business too. I know it takes a bit of manpower to package things up and you have to compensate for that, but (for example) charging $10.00 to ship a $3.00 piece of rubber is silly.
  • Y'know what really curdles my cheese? People who don't or won't listen. There are so many sub-categories to that one that I could blog about that subject, and nothing else, for a year. What is the deal anyway? Are you simply afraid that you don't know everything? Or that someone else is going to know something you don't (thereby swiping the Nobel Peace Prize you feel you deserve)? Give it a rest already. Shut up and listen.

These are just a few of the things that rankle me. There are more of them, but they're currently stuffed under the sofa pillows.

You can lead a hoard to water, but you can't make it sink.

1 comment:

  1. What a great post! I find many of these same things peeve-a-licious, but especially the noise issues. They're a double whammy on the peeve meter because so often the root of the noise-maker itself is just an inconsiderate fucker who feels that his or her time/activity/life is more important than everyone else's.

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