Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Banner Day

First of all, a tremendously loud shout out to our very own Haute Bisquette (aka Laura). Today is her birthday. I won't gush (much) and anyone who's read this blog with more than a passing glance knows that she's one of the aces in my game - I'm utterly proud of who she is (no matter the day or mood), and more than honored to call her friend. So, here's to you, Oooh. Grab that sezzy beast of a mountain man you've been tangoing with and dance like the tequila's already been passed around and ya gots firecrackers in yer toes!


And now for something completely different...

The other day I returned to Cap'n Kirkland after spending the afternoon arranging some of the stuff at the Granite Falls digs. I had planned to post about what a lovely rainy afternoon I'd spent in the peace of my new home, blah blah blah... Oh, it would have been poetic and wonderful, don'tchya know? Before I started to do that though, I checked my email and immediately started sobbing harder than I have in months.

In my email was notification that someone had responded to a dealie I posted here back on March 17th,
Rox in my Sox. It was a message from Roxan's daughter Roschel. Today is the anniversary of Roxan's death. Roschel was feeling that horrid emptiness and decided to google her mom's name. My post was the first thing that came up - not at all what she expected to find. Certainly I never expected her to stumble upon it.

See, before Rox died, John promised her that he would look out for Roschel and make sure she was doing ok. Not long after, Roschel went off to live with some relative and John lost all track of her. It was one if his biggest regrets that he was never able to live up to that promise - one of those great unfinished things that we talked about when he found out how sick he was. So, to hear from Roschel after all these years; to find out that my little scribble reached out to her across the years and miles just when she needed it most; and for her to reach back across and sort of put some closure to something that pained me just because I knew how much it pained John... well... open the flood gates. I was a mess in the best possible way. I could just see John and Rox sitting around a campfire somewhere, having a heart-to-heart... John sharing how badly he felt about it all... Rox saying, "Dude. It's all good... watch this...." That would be so like her. It took me the better part of 1/2 an hour to get myself under control.

But it brought home again the sense of responsibility I bear for what I post here. It's all there for anyone with an internet connection to read. There's no telling how far the ripple floats in this enormous pool of words.
but if you could...do you think you would
trade in all the pain and suffering?
ah, but then you'd miss
the beauty of the light upon this earth
and the sweetness of the leaving
calling all angels
calling all angels
walk me through this one
don't leave me alone
callin' all angels
callin' all angels
we're tryin'
we're hopin'
we're hurtin'
we're lovin'
we're cryin'
we're callin'
'cause we're not sure how this goes

~Jane Siberry, Calling All Angels

1 comment:

  1. Barb sweetie all I can send you is one massive, massive hug from the bottom of my heart as I only know you by association and that's through Laura if I was closer I'd call and not talk just listen, it's my one talent it seems..
    Words still echo in the darkness no matter where they are.
    I can be a pain sometimes but my heart it's good...

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