Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Whoa, Nelly!

Dear Negative Nellies of the World:

I'm beginning to think you really love the leash. Your constant need to point out each and every flaw in your life, without being willing to do anything to change said flaws, leads me to believe that you're in it for sport. In truth, I'm under the impression that you simply don't know how to function unless you're dwelling on what's wrong - dwelling on it without bothering to take any kind of step toward solution.

And, really. If you're satisfied playing in the mud that has you mired, hooray for you. What's annoying about it is that you don't seem to consider how banal it is for the rest of us who get to listen to your near constant bitching. About everything.

You ask for advice, but you don't really want it. You glom on to every self-help quote ever uttered, but you don't apply any of the inherent principles. You whimper, kvetch, moan and manipulate as if you want someone to take you in their lap, feed you milk toast and rock you to sleep while you clutch your favorite blankie (which is probably too scratchy, or it smells funny, or it's too hot, or, or, or...).

Guess what? The real world awaits you. That's the good news. The maybe not so good news is that the real world is never ever going to be what you expect it to be. But guess what? And this is important, so write it down: That's life. It's a phrase also known as "Shit happens."

I know you, you've got a hard-bound book the size of Tolstoy's War and Peace that's just filled with Oh Buts. This is why you not only don't accept advice, but you really don't want it. You are an illogical creature at best, and one simply cannot expect illogical creatures to see simple wisdom.

I actually had a conversation the other day that went like this:
*sigh* "I totally hate my job!"
"So, quit."
"What?! No way! What else would I do?!"
"What would you want to do?"
"Well, I love to bake."
"So, find a job where you can bake. Better yet, do some research and open a bakery."
"Oh, but I couldn't."
"Why not?"
"Because I have bills to pay."
"Can you live on less? Find some things to cut back on? Money's not everything - being happy in what you do counts for something."
"I just... can't."
"No, you're right. You can't. I guess you should just stick with what you've got."
*sigh* "Oh, but I hate my job."

You folks are the type that don't much like hearing straight talk, but here it is...
~Quit with the fucking excuses. You don't like something? Change it. It's difficult? Hell yeah, welcome to Life.
~There is no easy way out. Put on your big kid pants and get on with it.
~Unless you're in a dire emergency and your health and well-being are at risk, or something truly tragic has happened in your life, nobody wants to hear about your issues.
~Unless you're ready to get real, don't ask for advice.

Maybe you're unaware of how much negative energy you're sending out into the universe. Maybe you're unaware that your friends sigh and roll their eyes behind your back and mutter, "Enough already!" Maybe you just don't understand what a downer you are.

I'm not saying that we all have to be happy and perky all the time - that's an unreasonable expectation. However, I've known people in dire circumstances who still manage to make the world brighter just by keeping a realistic attitude. So if you don't want to, or simply can't change your world, do yourself and the rest of us a favor. At least think about what you're saying before you say it.

Perhaps you just need a little lesson in language. Very well. There's a difference between inconvenience and disaster. There's a difference between bummer and tragedy. There's a difference between disappointment and devastation. There's a difference between ouch and agony.

What it all boils down to is this: if you're looking for empathy, stop soaking in apathy. No more complaining. No more bullshit excuses.

Get real. As my friend Jake says, "Burn the leash already!"

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