I've been pondering a'much lately. It's the time of the year that I do that. It's not because the year is coming to and end, but more due to the deepening, seemingly ever-present darkness. I actually like it. It's as if my mind has opportunity to go into... well, not hibernation exactly... I actually feel more alive. I think the dark, much like being blind, triggers my other senses. It opens me up somehow. As it is, I've been too busy with various art projects to do much writing and I've missed it! As threatened in my last post, I did put up a Christmas tree (my spark in the dark) for the first time in years. It's fake, but it is pretty. I've been enjoying the twinkly lights and glittery ornaments. Staring at them is a meditative thing.
"For all of a sudden when I saw those lights, I said to myself, Ivy, this is your life, this is your real life, and you are living it. Your life is not going to start later. This is it, it is now. It's funny how a person can be so busy living that they forget this is it. This is my life."
~Fair and Tender Ladies, Lee Smith
It's true. I've been busy living. Busy living a wonderful slice of my life. And it's amazed me how speedily I've come to take the serendipity I'm swimmin' in for granted. I don't want to, and essentially, I don't really... it's actually difficult for me to forget, given my propensity toward waiting for shoes to drop. So, the other day I sat myself down (yes, in front of the Christmas tree), let my eyes wander over the pretties, and gave myself a good internal talking to. And realized (again) that I am who I am and it's all I'll ever be. All I can give back in any circumstance is the best Who that I can be. That's my real life. That's the life I'm living.
The following is my little early Christmas gift to you. I have no words to describe what this little girl makes me feel... words like "awe" and "wonder" come to mind and immediately fall short. This clip moves me to tears and gives me great hope.